BLACK RAAAAAGE!!!

Now, I don’t mean to sound like a dirty, hairy, stinky hippie feminazi, but America, you need to stop oppressing me, goddammit!  Why are all feminine hygiene product advertisements telling me that I should be ashamed to have my period?  This is fucking bullshit.

Commercial #1:  Girl must walk past boys to get to the bathroom, but alas!  She has nowhere to hide her bulky sanitary napkin.  Luckily, these new tampons are small enough to fit in the palm of your hand!

Commercial #2:  Boy and girl are having coffee.  A tampon falls out of the girl’s purse onto the table.  Luckily, the tampon is packaged so discreetly that the boy thinks it’s merely a packet of sugar.  Hooray!

Commercial #3:  Girl attempts to pass a tampon to a friend in the middle of class.  It is confiscated by the teacher.  Luckily, the tampon is packaged so discreetly that the boy thinks it’s merely a piece of candy.  Hooray!

Lessons learned from Commercials #1, 2 and 3:  You never want boys to know that you are menstruating because they will think that you are disgusting and gross and will never, ever want to sleep with you again, even when menses is not flowing freely from your vaginal area.  Also, do not ever mention “menses,” or “vaginal area” in front of a boy.  Or “menstruating.”

Commercial #4:  Kotex!  Now our wrappers are crinkle-free!  The next time you are menstruating, the woman in the stall next door will hear nothing but silence.  And you peeing.

Commercial #5:  Kotex!  Now our pantiliners come in a tiny decorative box surrounded by a layer of colorful tissue paper!  The next time a guest enters your bathroom, she will think it is a box of teeny-tiny kleenex.

Lessons learned from Commercials #4 and 5:  Not only should you hide the fact that you are menstruating from men, it is so dirty and shameful that you should hide it from other women as well.  What the fuck?  Okay, I get that the vast majority of men are afraid of/threatened by/grossed out at the thought of menstruation, but other women?  Who cares?  We all get periods, we all know what it’s like and what it means and we don’t give a fuck if you’re on the rag or not and we certainly shouldn’t try and hide it like it’s some deep dark secret that, if exposed, will ruin our reputations for all time. 

Assholes.

Comments

[Jonas]

That was worth the wait.

[Annie]

This gives new meaning to "You see dat man? He da devil."

[Kim]

Word is bond.

[Liz]

Periods are loud and smelly and out of control! Only very expensive, brightly designed, products can save us now!

http://lizmatazz.blogspot.com/2004/03/if-i-come-off-bitter-today-it-is-only.html

[lauren]

yeah, it's the person hearing me pee that disturbs me. could they make some extra-loud musical tampons so that when i'm in the deathly quiet bathroom at work the woman in the next stall can hear that instead?

[ahe]

Dude, that's just wrong. I do hate other people hearing me pee, though. It makes it crawl back up.