where's that red one gonna go?

So, as you are all aware, there are many, many things that I do not know.  For instance: the price of fish in China, my ass from a hole in the ground, etc.  Something I learned from Some Blogs Are Better Than Others  is that there’s this whole culture of NYC bloggers, and I’m not talking here about informative-type blogs like Gawker or Gothamist, but actual personal weblogs resembling this one, except these are internet quasi-celebrity blogs to which people the world over, apparently, flock.  The “Blog Critic—” an anonymous author whom some postulate is a disgruntled, marginalized NYC blogger (Oh, why is “Blog” the most ridiculous word ever?  Please, someone, invent a new one.) on the outskirts of the cool kids inner circle—targets weblogs such as Ultragrrl  (whom, let’s be honest, we were all  prepared not to like based strictly on her two rr-ed spelling of “girl.”), Melody Nelson , Lindsayism and the real janelle .  

From what I can tell, these people are members of blogging community that has spilled over into real life—or perhaps, the other way around, I’m not really sure.  I don’t know if they all knew each other beforehand or if they met via the internet, but they now organize parties and hang out and then write about it later so you will know how cool they are.  They all seem to have some sort of connection to the music industry or Comedy Central or something.  They kind of remind me of Seattle’s Three Imaginary Girls who are on the fringe of the music scene and have found a way of insinuating themselves into it.  It’s like I’m cool because I know a guy who can get me into a private room where I can pretend not to know what bands these greasy haired rockers are in.  Name-dropping isn’t just annoying, it’s gauche.  I mean, Heather and I saw Kiefer Sutherland in Pioneer Square once, not to mention that time that Amber and I totally ate lunch with Chris Cornell at Wild Ginger, you don’t hear me talking it up because that would make me sound like even more of a shallow void of vapidity, PDC’s and Aveda product, and yes, I’m wearing Minnetonkas right now, just like Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz.  Jealous?

If the Blog Critic (who appears to be taking a hiatus of sorts) wants to take his/her fellow NYC bloggers and lay them to waste like, then I say, by all means, fire away.  That’s what the internet is for: slandering others anonymously.  Has Kevin Smith taught us nothing?  I just think it is a little sad that all of the so-called criticism has been lackluster.  All he/she really does is hurl infantile insults (the most popular being that the female bloggers are “fat,” which, from what I can tell, they aren’t) and berate the bloggers for being star-fuckers and hipster wannabes, which is silly.  I mean, really—is there any way to criticize a weblog in a non-hypocritical way if you, yourself, keep one?  Sure, you may not like what someone chooses to write about, but the authors in question can all write coherently and somewhat-likably, so what is there to bitch about?   Now, let me be absolutely clear:  the music scene?  I could give two shits if you’re hanging out with Ian Adams or Brandon Flowers or Evan Tanner.  The day I want to hear about you sitting in the same booth as some dirty, rocker skank, I’ll definitely tune in.  Please call me if you’re sharing a milkshake with David Lynch, though, by all means.  Seriously.  Please call me if David Lynch is sitting next to you on the L train.  Please call me if David Lynch breathed in your general direction. 

Now if these people were in LA and rolling with David Boreanaz, I would eat their blogs up with a fucking spoon.  I mean, really, I am the girl who still has an envelope of “Aaron Sorkin air” that Nita scooped up whilst on the set of The West Wing.  Oh.  Remind me to go and lick that envelope later.  My point is, and I always have one buried somewhere  I don’t think you can really bash a blogger for his/her content:  all weblogs are, to a certain extent, self-indulgent and silly and if you’re totally into the music scene or just want to appear like a scenster, do it, Blog Critics be damned.  It’s not like there will ever be a shortage of jealous indie kids in Illinois who read those kinds of blogs in order to live vicariously through the elbow-brushing of the 3rd tier hipster crowd in the city, will there?

If I may provide an examples of a good, non-annoying, non-self-aggrandizing weblog that just happen to be by a New Yorker:  Liz Is Working is by turns funny, snarky and serious, in equal parts about personal life, work life, social events, television, movies, etc. With a particular slant towards The Apprentice, perhaps, but nonetheless,  you come away with the impression of an actual person as opposed to a rough sketch of one drawn by one attempting to project a certain image, you know?  She’s also got links to similar-minded bloggers Kelly and Abby, with which I would have provided you, had Squarespace not been rather wonky this morning.

Comments

[Annie]

Is this your longest post ever? I think it is. Ever, in history.

[christopher]

dude, i agree with blog critic. maybe not about the fat stuff, but about how these blogs suck ASS. they're fucking retarded and these authors are dumb wannabes you are trying to impress everyone in the blogosphere because they were unpopular in high school. oh, and that ultragrrl? she has a hard-on for good charlotte! GOOD CHARLOTTE!!! she has no hipster cred whatsoever.

[scotty]

What's with the wes anderson kick? Your last few titles AND the sub-title are rushmore-tenenbaums-rushmore.

I'm wearing minnetonkas too.

[Liz]

Ha, thanks! I was on gaurd for approximately 90% of that post. :-)

[Ahe]

Well, as I was making my little discovery about "NYC Bloggers" I realized that, HEY, you and Kelly live there and I never would rope you in with those assholes. It would be a shame if nice girls like you were tarred with the same brush.

[Jonas]

Mmm, that was delicious, thank Ahe. I read something about Friendster being a similarly insularly inclusive instrument of whatever in NYC, 20,000+ folks I think. Hipster scum probably over on myspace now. Wonder if there is cross over between them?

[Mali]

the thing is, i don't understand WHY people read those blos. i mean, i do, but i don't. you were kind in your assessment, really. all of those blogs--those chicks CAN'T WRITE. they are annoying and lame and yet seem to think they are hilarious and awesome. so very wrong. as you point out, the reason people read these things is in order to live vicariously through the elbow-brushing of the 3rd tier hipster crowd in the city.

[jordan]

i think the most important fact imparted in this post is that you have an envelope of "aaron sorkin air" . that is freakish! can i have a whiff?

[Cassie]

Are you really wearing Minnetonkas?

[nita]

actually, it's more like an envelope of aaron sorkin air that was still clinging to me when i returned home. if i'd been smart, i'd've followed sorkin around with a mini-tank vacuum, getting enough "a.s.a" to bottle and sell. dang.