you're a really good barbequetionist

Liz, stop reading if you missed America’s Next Top Model last night.

Last week, I said

Next week:  Good-bye, Cassie.  I’d say “Good-bye, Kelle!” but the judges hate her, so I’m assuming she’ll be sticking around to annoy Jay and Tyra.

Well, I should have gone with my instincts because, Good-bye, Kelle!  You and your snout are no longer in the running to become America’s. Next.  Top.  Model.  I would say, “Next week, Good-Bye Cassie,” but I think she might have enough anorexic blonde stripper power to remain, so, next week, Good-bye Ann!  You are so hot…but so bland at the same time.  Also, you mutilated the precious brownies!  Sinner.

In an unrelated story, I’ve got part of this stupid song stuck in my head and I can’t get it out.  It is, unfortunately, a hymn; even less fortunately, I only know the first line, and far less fortunately than that, I can sing it only in a boy soprano voice.  In the 6th grade, Mrs. Danford made us watch this Disney movie, Perfect Harmony, which you may have been forced to see also, as I understand it was quite popular amongst middle school teachers too lazy to think up a real afternoon activity.  The movie starred Bosom Buddies’ Peter Scolari (the poor man’s Rick Moranis), Child Play 3’s Justin Whalin (the poor man’s Wil Wheaton) and Mr Boogedy’s David Faustino (the poor man’s…David Faustino).  It was about a boy’s prep school in the south somewhere and they had a school choir and Justin Whalin and David Faustino were the two lead singers.  Justin Whalin made friends with the black grandson of the gardener or something and David Faustino didn’t like it because he was a racist and it turns out that black kid can sing (Because, apparently, ALL african-americans on television and in movies can sing, did you know?  Even Raven can sing.) and then…I don’t really remember what happened, but at some point, David Faustino beat the crap out of Justin Whalin with a lacrosse stick or something so he could have the lead in the Choir Concert…the solo, of course, being the stupid line from that stupid hymn I have stuck in my head:  “Are we like sheep.”  They just repeat the line a couple of times and then I think they say ‘have gone astray,” and that’s all I’ve got, but it’s holding on to my subconsciousness like nobody’s business.  I am not sure if surgery is an option, but I’m looking into it.

And, finally, a Happy 28th Birthday to Joaquin Phoenix.  I still love you, even after spending 10 bucks on The Village only for you to get shanked halfway into it and then whole rest of the movie was about that annoying blind girl.  But please, please, please, please, go back to this look for that was when I loved you best.

Comments

[cassie]

i really feel like nicole might take this competition. all the past winners started off slowly and then bam, came out of almost nowhere. she's the only one who has been good conststently besides amanda, and i think we all agree that if she won it would be totally anticlimactic.

[Avi]

Okay, this

The movie starred Bosom Buddies' Peter Scolari (the poor man's Rick Moranis), Child Play 3's Justin Whalin (the poor man's Wil Wheaton) and Mr Boogedy's David Faustino (the poor man's...David Faustino).

was pure genius.

[jordan]

uck. nicole is so meh. i just don't get it. i think she photos okay, but she's just not special. then again, none of these girls are really top model material.

[christopher]

i would so go gay for joaquin phoenix.

[jessica]

I ALMOST saw The Village just for my darling little Michael Pitt. But then I decided I'd rather just watch Hedwig and Dawson's Creek reruns. -sigh-

[Ahe]

oh tommy gnosis. you are so much awesomer than that semi-retarded henry. and he is, right? michael pitt on dawson's was supposed to be functionally retarded, right?

[Annie]

i always thought so.

[Stacy]

I think you're right, Cassie, I think Nicole is going to win. Tyra said something about the winnner being kinda mainstream, and she's it. I think she's talented at posing--she has great pics, but her face is mainstream and that's what will hold her back in the real modeling world.

[Ahe]

like, I said, Nicole is boring. I think that she takes great pictures: she clearly knows how to work with her body and yadda yadda--but i don't think that she has the...well, the looks. I agree with Stacy: her face is mainstream. Ngel said something about how he could see her on a box of hair dye and I agree. She is pretty, but nothing special, nothing different, nothing that stands out in any real way. which sucks for her, because she is a good model. also: she's short!

[Jessica]

michael pitt on dawson's was supposed to be functionally retarded, right?
I often wonder if he was meant to be retarded, period. Which makes my attraction to him all the more wrong.
But damnit if he doesn't have the cutest face of innocence waiting to be corrupted!