but you'll find it's twice as sportin' goin' courtin'

Let me tell you something, Warner Home Video, you have no right to make a a fucking super awesome two disc special edition of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers  when I already spent 20 bucks on the first stupid crappy edition.  Assholes.  What a fucking scam.  Those cocksuckers at Columbia Tri-Star did it to me with Memento  and those Criterion bitches screwed me with Traffic AND Rushmore  AND Brazil  AND Seven Samurai  AND Life of Brian  AND The Silence of The Lambs AND Rebecca AND…inexplicably, Chasing Amy  and Armageddon .  What the hell is that?  Come on, Criterion, you’re supposed to shanghai stupid, pretentious French and Italian films that people pretend to like in order to look cooler, so what happened?  Were you too seduced by Ben Affleck’s wily charm only to lose interest once Jennifer Lopez had sucked all that was good and noble and…well-groomed out of him?  Dirty whores.

Speaking of dirty whores, is anyone watching the VP debates tonight?  I had a fantastic time watching Sen. Kerry trounce President Bush, as well as seeing the network correspondent wink every time they showed a funny reaction shot, but I’m thinking tonight could be more interesting.  Don’t you?  I mean, on one hand, we have pretty little sweetums John Edwards with his southern charm.  On the other hand, you have Dick Cheney who, if he doesn’t eat babies, at the very least bathes in their blood fortnightly.  I’m really thinking there is no contest here, partially because even if Vice President Cheney does very well—he is going to make President Bush look so much worse by comparison.  It would be like reinforcing the whole idea of a puppet Presidency backed by an evil Rasputin-like figure. Honestly, though, I think Edwards has the leg up here considering the wealth of topics he has at his fingertips with which to pummel Cheney, what with the Halliburton and the lying and whatnot.  In comparison, Cheney’s got, what?  Oh yeah: John Edwards is a trial attorney and totally inexperienced.  Yes.  Darn that man who put himself through college and law school and then spent a good part of his life sticking it to big business for the little guy.  Also, only 6 years in public office?  Hey, who else do I know who only served 6 years in public office before running a national campaign?  Oh, right, this guy.  That’s right, Cheney.  John Edwards built a great career around going up against bullying, evil, lying fat cats and he can totally take you.  Bring it. 

Comments

[christopher]

i hope cheney eats a baby during the debate. it will bring it to a whole new level.

[annie]

can watch debates. must watch dawson's creek. season four out today.

[Jonas]

Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader? This one should be a real treat. I just hope Cheney has more loaded in his gun than "He's a flip flopper!" and "Being President is hard!"

[Avi]

The funny part is, you ACTUALLY own Armageddon and Chasing on dvd, the Criterion editions. Does that mean you, at some point, bought more expensive collector's editions to replace the original copies you had? Of Armageddon? And Chasing Amy? So sad.

[jason]

ahe -- you've picked up on the evil side of dvds. i've had to replace blue velvet, thelma and louise, and trainspotting with newer, better editions. and we all know that in 2007 a new version of star wars will come out on dvd and again (so i've heard) in 2013 or something? (one with added-in deleted scenes and one with new cgi scenes?)

YET the dvds i would gladly replace with a special edition (twin peaks, mulholland drive, and others i cannot think of now), the studios are not releasing specially. sadness.

[Ahe]

oh my god, jason, there is a special edition of thelma and louise? GODAMMIT!!!

[jordan]

did you watch ther debates? edwards totally schooled cneheny, man. it was wicked awesome.

[Jonas]

Interesting Jordan, I had the opposite impression. And I was really looking forward to Edwards dropping a credibility bomb in Cheneys lap and watching him try to put the pin back in before time ran out. Didn't happen from my perspective. I thought the "Thanks for saying nice things about my family" was the best part. Smoooooove. Edwards just irritated me, he's been turned in to Kerrys laptop. No dammit! He needs to be Kerrys ATTACK dog. Democraps, can't they do anything right?

"Doberman?"
"We got this nice poodle for you! It's a miniature!"

[Ahe]

i actually think that edwards came off as so nice and charming and cheney came off as so darth vader-y that people missed some wicked, wicked Edwards burns. he's totally jab cheney in the kidneys and then smile and say something like "i plum forgot where i was going with that" and hearts everywhere melted.

[Jonas]

Holy typo Batman. That would be "lapdog" and not "laptop" in my comment above.

[Jadenator]

The bestest moment was when Cheney attacked Edward's voting and attendance record, oh so smuggly. and the Edwards countered with Cheney's abismal civil rights voting record in the house of representatives. ZAP!, Cheney! Fight the power! Down with whitey!