i expect welsh babies dribble a lot

America’s Next Top Model Picks

Amanda  Pros: That new scary platinum dye job and super-long extensions make her look like an Icelandic superhero in photos.  She’s white and all, but her features make her look oddly exotic—her face is strange and cool and slightly alien.  Love it.  Cons: Most of the time, though, she looks like the love child of Annie Lennox and a wet albino ferret.  Editorial:  While I think she is awesome and could rock some photo spreads, I’m thinking her newfound divalicious attitude is gonna cost her.  Those drama queens never survive on this show—If she goes the way of Camille, she won’t make it to the Top 5.  Otherwise, Top 4.

Nicole    Pros:  Her face photographs very well—gorgeously, in fact.  Striking.  She looked like arse before the makeover, but that new short hair really showcases her features—kinda like with Yoanna.  Cons:  When not made up, she looks like she eats heroin for breakfast!  She claims to be a “former punk rocker,” but apparently, she is a “current crack whore.”  Also, she is SHORT!  Have we learned NOTHING from Jenascia?  Editorial: The fact that this girl gets next to no air time is throwing me.  It either means she has no future on the show or she’s a contender and they’re trying to keep it on the down-low.  My bets are on her making it to the Top 3, unless the shortness comes into play which could get her booted much sooner, however, looking at some of the competition, I’m thinking it may not be a factor. But I really want Janice to make a big deal out of it at some point because, seriously, no matter how awesome she may turn out to be, she will still be short.

Ya-Ya     Pros:  Gorgeous, regal, fantabulous.  And in Jay’s words, she works it like it’s for sale and rent is due.  Cons: She’s got some seriously shitty skin, but really, isn’t that what make up is for?  Editorial: Dude, she’s awesome, super hot and black.  I can’t believe the judges are gonna let another skinny white bitch win.  Ya Ya, I love you.  Too bad you’re not gonna win.  I say Top 3 if the judges aren’t total fuckwits, which, with the exception of Janice and Tyra, they may be.

Norelle   Pros:  Skinny, tall, bony, weird name, under 20 = model.  She’s in the same boat as Shandi—she’s one big, beautiful mess and with the right training and make-over, she will blow away the competition.   She’s got the height, the body, the look and the ability to pose—she’s got the goods, man.  Cons: She’s gawky and immature and it shows in some of her photographs (someone called her “quirky” as opposed to “sexy” and I think that’s very true).  Also, that whole pretending to be Paris Hilton thing is weird and creepy.  Editorial:  As far as I am concerned, this is the only girl in this bunch who is truly supermodel material as it is currently defined. If the judges choose anyone else, they will be dooming her to a brief and fruitless career.  Count on it.  That said, I just don’t see how the judges can choose a tall, skinny brunette white chick for the third year in a row, I just don’t see how they can do it, but that’s partially what they get for casting a bunch of short girls with a few tall ones.  You can make tall girls pretty, but you can’t make short girls tall.  Right.  So Norelle—Top 2.

Eva         Pros: Tell me you don’t want to have sex with Eva.  But not in a dirty Maxim kind of a way or anything.  I loves me a good bitch.  She is aggressive, confident, definitely the most beautiful of all the girls and plus, Janice loves her—She had chair-gasms!  Cons:  Her photos are not turning out as well as one would expect.  She’s not burdened with the “dead eyes” or anything, but she doesn’t look quite there either.  Confused or something, uncomfortable.  Also, she has kind of manly shoulders.  Editorial:  I’m thinking she just needs to get in the swing of things and she’ll turn out some fierce photos.  I mean, maybe the fact that they gave her a friggin fur cape to wear over her bikini threw her off her game, I don’t know. I am pretty sure that the top three are going to end up being two white girls and one black girl, so it depends on how far Ya Ya goes, I guess.  Top 4 for Eva, though, no doubt.

Wild Card 

Ann       Pros:  This bitch is CRIZAZY!  Cons:  This bitch is CRIZAZY!  Editorial:  I know full well that Dead Eye Ann isn’t going to make it to the Top 5, but still, this bitch is CRIZAZY!  I want her to stick around as long as possible because she brings an immeasurable amount of freaky hilarity to the show.

Comments

[jordan]

ITA! except i don't like ya ya at all, and i know i'm in the minority here. my top three would be norelle, amanda and kristi--i loved that girl. she's got a squart squareness to ehr face. nicole is okay, but dude, she is so short. i can't believe no one has mentioned how short she is. granted, she's still like 5 inches taller than me, but come on!

[christopher]

never watched this show--i sort of want to now. i thought at first--oh, girl show. now i'm thinking, OH...*girl* show.

[Avi]

Norelle looks like Fred from Angel.

[Jonas]

Norelle...Norelle...rolls right off the tongue I think. Sounds like a female market targeted shaving gel. Maybe a hair spray or color enhancer. I also think it would work well for a nail product of some kind. Or the name of a Latino boy band.

[scotty]

i think you have forgotten one important thing: amanda is BLIND! she's outta there! that's gonna have to come into play sooner rather than later, don't you think?

[Jadenator]

Oh! Amanda is supposed to trip during a runway show this week! Drama! I can't wait! Also, she has a baby and those baby-mamas don't make it far on Top Model.

[Ahe]

oh, you guys are so right! i totally et on the wrong horse with amanda! hmm. who do you think it will be then? the judges seemed to like toccarra, but dude. she's a plus size model.