i've tried to call you names, but every time it comes out the same
Wednesday, November 17, 2004 at 01:49PM Ah. The wonderful weight of winter depression sets in just in time for the holidays. Fabulous. I could get into it, but I shan’t, mostly because, well, let’s face it, it is most likely less interesting than my next manifesto on America’s Next Top Model. I will say this much, though, my present tickle me emo state of mind stems from two distinct areas that may be best characterized by the following: good sex is a powerful aid in rationalizing an otherwise poor relationship and, in the immortal words of Drew Carey, “You hate work? Really? Well, there’s a support group for that, it’s called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar.”
On to my definitive picks for tonight’s new episode of America’s Next Top Model. Okay. Prudence suggests that I choose Ann because, well, totally hot or not, Fish Mouth McDead Eyes sucks ass. I don’t think I am going to go that way, though, and this is why: bitch is all over this show! She shouldn’t have lasted this long, but for some reason (which I am pretty sure is that Nigel thinks she’s super fine and, really, would you say no to Nigel? Ever?), she has lasted this long. I think she is going to turn it around over the next couple of episodes and turn in some super hot shots—she won’t win, but she might get close. Yes. I am liking Eva for the win at this point, and if they got to a final two of Ann and Eva, that would fucking rock—all that latent lesbianism strewn across the runway, nice. Okay. So. Without further ado, I say that Norelle is getting jettisoned from the ZoLoft this week. Come on, baby! Can’t you see that you are the Shandi of this cycle, all gawky and stuff, but with supermodel material underneath it all? Yep. Norelle, my scrawny little Noopsie. Pack your flirty, ruffled mini-skirts back into your bags and say good-bye to the pretty ladies.
I think Nicole will follow next week. I know that seems like a travesty considering how good most of her photos have been, but please. If she ends up staying to the Final Three, the editors have done a shitty job at setting this up. Plus, she’s SHORT. Also, I don’t like her. Tarantula: 1, Personality: 0.
ahe
Actually, I would like to amend my pick: my first tag was Nicole—she is nothing to no one, despite the strength of her pictures, and she has the added bonus of having no discernable onscreen personality (not to mention that hideous, hideous hair, which, admittedly, isn’t her fault). I ran that through my processor and decided that, despite my instincts, did not compute, so I settled on Norelle, because, really, while she has potential,right now, she sucks. Balls. As has been proven in the past, I always second-guess myself into the the choosing the wrong girl, but you know what, screw that shit, I learn from my mistakes! Nicole: I am sorry that you are so very, very boring. It could be worse, though: they could have chopped your hair into an even more boring, standard bob and then dyed it a hideous bright red. Oh, wait… Well. at least you have art! And shrimp scampi! And Maxim!
Reader Comments (9)
to avoid blogging about your feelings and other such fruity emo shit
although, for some reason, i am imagining conor oberst eating grapes and sitting on the toilet with his tight polyester pants around ankles.
oy, that is unpleasant.
Or is this one of those TV watching jokes I just don't get?
As far as Norelle sucking. Balls. Doesn't this improve her odds? Or are we to assume that the ANTM producers are ballless and immune to those sorts of charms?
PS: So long as you are having the "good sex" w. a man, I think it is safe to say you can probably ditch the "poor relationship" and just git wit da bangin' wit out eeefekting anything. eyeemahtchoh. (eye-em-atch-oh?)
PPS:Fletcher (aka: Fleezy Deeze, and his PBR are responsible for the sponsorship of this post. Thank them.
To answer your question, please see my post dated 27 January, 2004:
http://demondoyle.blogspot.com/2004/01/noooo-you-said-wet-shirt-wont-break.html