cafeteria is the embarrassment capital of the world

From the big book of clichés:  Life is a series of disappointments, followed by death.  A short list of the most recent, in no particular order:

• Told by co-worker that my style of dress is “different…interesting.” Query for clarification as to meaning of “different…interesting” met by blank stare.
• Completely forgot that one of my little brothers will not be in Tahoe when I go to visit my family this weekend, as he will be too busy being at college and stuff.
• Reese’s Peanut Butter Pumpkins not sold at nearest drug store.
• Every ripple in corporate structure equals more work for me.  Re-organizations, shake-ups to the hierarchy, resignations, lost systems, malfunctioning databases with no one to fix them.  What’s next, locusts?
• Forced to go in to work with mild rash around mouth from making out with someone with more-than-light stubble.  Subject to merciless mockery.  Note to dudes:  FUCKING SHAVE, ASSHOLES.  Face skin is sensitive.
• Coming to sad conclusion, after watching George Lucas special, that Harrison Ford is completely humorless.
• Coming to sad conclusion, after watching George Lucas special, that the upcoming release of the Star Wars box set will include the remastered versions of the Trilogy.  (What?  Greedo shoots first? Hayden Christensen is now at the end of Return of The Jedi? Hey, Lucas, when you’re done raping my childhood, why don’t you give my grandmother a go too?)
• Purloined Gourmet Magazine from friend only to determine that Opera Cake is far too difficult even to think about attempting.
• Discovery that dinner with Jews and their Rabbi fathers on Saturday nights means not eating until like 9:00 even if you happen to be so hungry that your stomach has begun eating itself.
• Cellular not, in fact, worst movie ever.
• The Brown Bunny, in fact, worst movie ever.

Confidential to death: sooner rather than later, please.

Comments

[Avi]

It was all my father could do to not call you my "shiksa friend." He means it with love, of course.

So, are you saying that the sight of Vincent Gallo's enourous schlong didn't push The Brown Bunny a notch up your list?

[Annie]

yeah, the "sight of Vincent Gallow's enourmous schlong" would have been enough to make me boycott movies for a year.

[scotty]

oh, man, the same shit is happening at my office. sinking ship, man.

[Jonas]

Re:"FUCKING SHAVE, ASSHOLES. Face skin is sensitive."


Hell yea it's sensitive. That's why I protect mine w. this layer to bristly hair over top of it. They're called beards, grow one!

Oh, wait......

[Ahe]

yeah, you think about that one, jonas.

[Jonas]

Funk dat! Thinking is hard, I'll stick w. the drinking.

[Kathy]

Harrison Ford is a robot. Saw the same special...even though i already knew it to be true i was hanging on with hope. It died when he said that he wanted the han solo character to die in the begining of ROTJ.

I hate beard burn...its horrible. i feel your pain.

[Avi]

I fucking know it, Kathy. When he said that he wanted to opt out of the Trilogy I yelled "Take it BACK!!" at the screen three or ten times. Harrison Ford is a seriously advanced android. He really is a Replicant.

[jordan]

hey, you updated that "where do we go from here section!" finally. now i can identify all of your stupid quotes. the trouble is, i still don't know who some of those people are...you should identify source material as well as the speaker.

[Ahe]

I'll totally kill you, jordan, you fucking ingrate! I bust my ass tying up loose ends on that stupid list and you want MORE? Google it, already. :P that section really is a pain in my ass. For the life of my, I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea.

[jessica]

Told by co-worker that my style of dress is "different...interesting." Query for clarification as to meaning of "different...interesting" met by blank stare. I know this feeling. It comes to me in the form of "You should really try to wear more color in your wardrobe".

Also, I am convinced that George Lucas is an evil demon from a Whedon-esque hell dimension who gets his nourishment from obliterating the happy memories from fans of the original Star Wars. And Hayden Christiansen is his minion.

[Avi]

[Told by co-worker that my style of dress is "different...interesting." Query for clarification as to meaning of "different...interesting" met by blank stare. I know this feeling. It comes to me in the form of "You should really try to wear more color in your wardrobe".]

I get a lot of "Are you wearing girl's jeans?"

[Ahe]

Well, aren't you?

[Jadenator]

My coworker got a perm on her very short hair. I don't listen to those old assholes.